wow i am a dumbass. garg.

I'm depriving myself until I get this shit accomplished.

I had a dream I was totally badass, it rocked.

I want to gym, I feel disgusting.
My life has been so hectic as of late, I can't wait til it gets to be in a more regular schedule.

I now have a place to live, and my second job is starting to taper off and I will be done with it soon. So, things are getting settled. Soon I won't have too much to worry about and can go kendo regularly as well as go work out, I'm excited about that.

For now I'll suffer through the disgusting fat feeling I have.

Sometimes I get into those moods where I'd just like to be in love, with no one in particular. Just for the sake of being in love. But there's just so much going on right now that it doesn't seem like it's a likely to happen soon.

But wouldn't it be nice? Nice to have those warm fuzzy feelings. Nice to wake up in the morning knowing that someone special loves you, to be able to have retarded conversations on the phone and know that the person enjoys them as much as you do. To do sweet random things for someone, just because. To be able to lie there and do nothing and enjoy someone's company. To feel their embrace, their kisses, and body warmth. To have someone to have adventures with, and to laze around and do nothing with, to share your day with, the simple gripes and the not so simple ones. Someone who can grow with you, and walk alongside you.


I'd like to fall in love with someone and no one in particular.

Perhaps this is the feeling of loneliness.

No bbq in my weekend :(. Would have been nice to stoff my face YOM.


Anyway, a few things off my checklist have been dealt with there's still more but I'm getting through it. Once I can get the major issues settled, I think I'll be a relatively happy camper.


Things have been rough, but usually when things get very hard you begin to realize in some ways how you are lucky. Possibly it's just a defense mechanism, to help you recuperate, but I think in some ways it's also a reality check.

In the end, I realize that I miss having all my friends at Berkeley like a block away from me.

Passive Aggressiveness

I cannot stand passive aggressiveness. You can be bitchy, vulgar, rude, whatever takes your fancy. But I really dislike passive aggressiveness. I am not a passive aggressive person, I will not try and sugar coat anything for the sake of not hurting your fucking ego unless something catastrophic has happened in your life.

If you want to eat my cake, then say you want to eat it. If I haven't already offered it, then if I wanted to give you some I'll say yes, if I don't, I will say no. If you don't want to watch a movie then say it. Because if you say you're going to watch it, then you're going to sit down and suck it up and watch it and NOT complain about how much it sucked because you didn't say you didn't want to watch it.

I also dislike guilt tripping. It doesn't affect me more often than not. If I was gonna feel sorry, I would have felt sorry. If I'm not I won't. If I'm gonna say yes, I would have already said yes. I don't waver very often.

I'm just tired of having to deal with so much shit.