HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEARS
新年快樂
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
One day you just wake up.
You realize that a lot of the things you thought were more a dream than anything else. Ideas you wanted to be real, things you didn't want to. It's like a nice cold slap in the face. It's good for you but it's a shock. Suddenly, you start to realize that you are the one making yourself miserable, you're the one that's making your life exactly what it is.
You run away from a good thing every time, you push away those that are closest to you until they prove that they won't walk away. Inside it's a fear, a fear of being hurt, a fear of trust, a fear of any sort of intimacy that can possibly exist.
It's so easy to blame everything on something else, easy to find a scapegoat, easy to say that it's not you it's them, it's that, it's this, it's everything but you. But deep down inside you know that it's you.
You try not to take anything seriously, you try not to breathe it in too deeply. It's your way of pushing it away, your way of subtly running away. And every excuse is a claim of independence. You begin to wonder... is this independence really independence, or is it just fear? You can't answer.
So in order to convince yourself, you try something new, something different. Thinking that you will be able to hold on to this. Things don't always happen the way they should. So you push, and you pull, and you push and you pull. And finally you're forced to come to terms with it.
Why? Why? Why?
Somehow, it becomes much more difficult to lie to yourself.
So you inch closer and closer to the inevitable and the truth.
You can't lie to yourself forever. One day you're gonna have to realize that you either face it or live the rest of your life in misery.
Liberation, imprisonment, fear,pain , desire, happiness, whatever it is that walks in.
You've got to face it.
Because you realize that it's time.
You can't run away for the rest of your life.
You realize that a lot of the things you thought were more a dream than anything else. Ideas you wanted to be real, things you didn't want to. It's like a nice cold slap in the face. It's good for you but it's a shock. Suddenly, you start to realize that you are the one making yourself miserable, you're the one that's making your life exactly what it is.
You run away from a good thing every time, you push away those that are closest to you until they prove that they won't walk away. Inside it's a fear, a fear of being hurt, a fear of trust, a fear of any sort of intimacy that can possibly exist.
It's so easy to blame everything on something else, easy to find a scapegoat, easy to say that it's not you it's them, it's that, it's this, it's everything but you. But deep down inside you know that it's you.
You try not to take anything seriously, you try not to breathe it in too deeply. It's your way of pushing it away, your way of subtly running away. And every excuse is a claim of independence. You begin to wonder... is this independence really independence, or is it just fear? You can't answer.
So in order to convince yourself, you try something new, something different. Thinking that you will be able to hold on to this. Things don't always happen the way they should. So you push, and you pull, and you push and you pull. And finally you're forced to come to terms with it.
Why? Why? Why?
Somehow, it becomes much more difficult to lie to yourself.
So you inch closer and closer to the inevitable and the truth.
You can't lie to yourself forever. One day you're gonna have to realize that you either face it or live the rest of your life in misery.
Liberation, imprisonment, fear,pain , desire, happiness, whatever it is that walks in.
You've got to face it.
Because you realize that it's time.
You can't run away for the rest of your life.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
To lose everything is to be free. It is a blessing and a curse. In one swift moment, I left 10 years of baggage behind me. It was the most liberating thing I've ever felt. Bleh, the end is near but I'm not there yet and it's mighty frustrating. I won't go into details on a blog, but yeah T-T.
I'm happy though, at least for now :p. There's a lot of things to be done. But I feel more secure and confident.
I'm happy though, at least for now :p. There's a lot of things to be done. But I feel more secure and confident.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I have always, and still believe that when a person dies, all debts will be paid. To you or otherwise. It's not too different from the idea of reincarnation but in a less eternal manner.
Nothing goes without being paid back. Good and bad.
That is largely what motivates my actions, and I do not do for others which I would not expect for myself, generally anyway.
Those that have been wronged, will always be avenged.
Nothing goes without being paid back. Good and bad.
That is largely what motivates my actions, and I do not do for others which I would not expect for myself, generally anyway.
Those that have been wronged, will always be avenged.
Monday, December 1, 2008
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