Let me crawl into a hole and die NOW. At least then I'd get some mother fucking sleep.

It's been about 3 days since I had a real dinner. Wait, I kind of had one tonight.

The last night. For this week. Unfortunately that makes it four days..out of seven. This seems to be the reoccurring theme of my summer. Sleep deprivation. There is no enthusiasm in this post. Why? Because the only thing keeping me awake right now is the fact that I am sitting at the kitchen table, doing homework. And I have been since about 9pm.

Sleep tonight? Probably not. But I took a nice 3.5 hour nap well more like 3, and I got a good..maybe little more than 6 hours last night.

In a few weeks this will all be over, but all the same, I need to really just learn to SUCK IT UP. I can stand a couple more weeks of sleep deprivation. I have all the time in the world to sleep after that. So I have to just suck it up now so I can do well on my midterms. Then sleep and catch up on work. I did it before 3 years ago, I can do it again now. It's funny because then I would also sit at the kitchen table at night doing homework. I thought that not doing kendo would give me more time to sleep. It totally didn't. In fact I'm even more sleep deprived. I just study and work more...

I'm so glad my interview on Friday is at 2:30pm. It gives me A LOT more time to sleep. Things are looking up for that, so I hope all goes well. But if that works out, I've got a few other things to worry about like:

1) Where do I live? I'm thinking maybe Berkeley still, but then so expensive and I can find nicer cheaper places in other places..
2) How the hell am I going to drop the bomb on my parents who believe that I'm going to come home take a break and work? Ahaha...I'm afraid of this.
3) All that other good stuff that comes with becoming a productive member of society, which may not really be so awesome.


But none of that is going to happen if I don't continue studying.

So to my brain I say, Go little one go! I know there's not much there but you can do it! I'll eat lots of blueberries over the weekend to make you happy. You just have to suck it up now! Blueberry buffet yey!!!

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME I DIDN'T HAVE TO TRY TO GET FORTY HOURS OF WORK DONE?!?!?!?!?!?!
FUCKING A.


I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO STRESSED OUT.

aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

I need sleep. I ALWAYS need sleep...I won't be GETTING sleep til Thursday night.

As of today, it's over.

Walk out of it, because you're never walking back into it.

And it feels so fucking good.

"But I want you to know, if you weren't such a bitch, we'd feel sorry for you. I do feel sorry for you. But as it stands, the way you behave - I feel I can speak for the entire office when I tell you...go fuck yourself. " -Wanted

Why is it so expensive to exist and be human?

Argh I need monies! Argh..... I need to fill out my time sheet >.<.

Wow, I've been doing it wrong my whole life. That's funny, I guess now at least I know what I've been doing wrong. But knowing that I see it completely differently. I think life just became a little bit easier.

I think that this time I'm ready. I'm gonna do it right this time around.

It totally makes sense now..ahaha wow! NO WONDER. wowowowowowowoww.