Inside I'm screaming for you to see it.
I'm trying to tell you but I can't tell you.
But I know you'll never figure it out.

I've been trying.
For two years.
Two fucking years.

Maybe I should drop the ball.

One day you wake up and grab your usual cup of coffee. You drink it black, with a teaspoon of sugar. A little bit sweet, but mostly bitter.

You take the routine commute to work. Sit at your desk, and do the everyday things you have to do. Check the email, make a few calls, and get on with your work. Finish the day, go home, make that bowl of noodles with the same brand soup stock you've been using for god knows how long.

But it's different. You realize that you hate coffee. You'd rather be drinking orange juice. You hate your job, you'd rather be doing something simpler.

You realize that you've been trying to fit a mold that doesn't exist. You've been trying to be a person you're not.

And it's what's been making you unhappy. You've refused to let yourself live the life that would make you happy because you're too ashamed of it.

And the only thing that playing this facade has given you is unhappiness. What's the use of an image?

Maybe one day I'll have that courage.

I was given a second chance. Second chances are meant for you to prove yourself. I will get through this.

I want a connection, is that too much? Sometimes I wonder.

I know you don't read this, and nor does anyone who would say anything to you. So I write freely.

I knew exactly where you were trying to go with it, I knew exactly what you were trying to get me to say. I know what record you were trying to clean. But if you're gonna try to do it passive aggressively, maybe you should be more discrete and less obvious.

And if you're going to try to clean that record, you had better outright do it. Be straight about it. I know exactly what goes where with who I'm telling. So I know these things get sent directly to you if I go to your messenger. I also know anything I say to you goes back to your messenger too.

Go ahead and play your game, I can play better.

I want you to become a blimp. It'd make me happy.

I fucking hate Berkeley.

My Two Cents

I'm not the kind of person that really talks about her political views or anything of political nature, mostly because I believe that everyone can believe what they want to believe, and they don't need to hear my strongly opinionated views on things. I have a lot views, a lot of strong ones, and they are my right but it is not my right to push them.

But I just feel like ranting about politics right now. DEAR GOD WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WANT TO VOTE FOR PALIN. Okay, vote for Mccain fine whatever. But voting for Mccain because you like Palin is the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. The woman is a soccer mom, wait correction hockey mom. She has proved herself to be ignorant, and ill informed about politics which is okay if you're not THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE for a 72 year old man who looks like he's going to croak sometime soon. But if dear god knows how you find yourself in this position, I hope that you know your political shit. For fucks sake she could have studied current politics, she could have studied her own issues! If you can't even answer questions about US history, about your own freaking running mate, and dear god about the economy, you are NOT qualified to be Vice President. And if you're trying to regain public opinion you should NOT be doing it in a very restricted debate, if anything it should be less restricted so that you can prove to the rest of the world that you know what you are talking about. Even if Palin succeeds, a restricted debate does not show that she can think on her feet which is something someone who is high in office should be able to do. You're dealing with trillions of dollars, billions of people, and god knows what else that can affect the world. In any high office you should be well informed none of the least vice president.

For some of those that support her, if the reason is because she's like me. That is HORRIBLE. Why the hell would you want someone who's like you to run the country. Would you want a surgeon who's knowledge of surgery is just like yours, or your doctor, your mechanic, your lawyer, your technician, your professor's knowledge and personality to be one that you can relate to? In some cases, yes. But in most cases DEAR GOD NO. If my surgeon, doctor, lawyer, etc etc were just like me then I would be screwed. They hold that title because they are educated and well versed in that field. They know what they're doing, and they are NOT just like me. I want them to be good, because I want the results of what they're working on to be good, in some cases that's a car in other cases that's my life. If you want someone like you to operate on you I dear god hope you're a world class surgeon.

It's not about what your stand is, it's about being able to defend your view.

And I can say with a quite a bit of confidence that Palin cannot defend herself with confidence.
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If you were to tell me you supported Obama, or Mccain or anyone else I would ask you why.

If you can't defend that why well, you shouldn't be voting.