Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Finally, three and a half years later I did it. Three and a half years later it happened. I've been wanting this for so long.
And it happened...by accident. I didn't mean to get angry, I didn't mean to lose it like that. But all of the raw emotion I put into it, that was all me, that was me giving it what I had. That was me letting myself take over, without fear of losing, without fear of anything, just pure raw emotion and the desire to let it all go.
I had a terrible day, a terrible week. I've been angry all week, but I've found something I've been looking for, for a long time and it sparked something in me. That slump I've been in, it's now gone.
It's a thrill to let yourself go like that. Suddenly, NOTHING matters, nothing but you and the other person and you want them to feel you. All of it, the intensity, the anger, the desire. All of it.
It was amazing. I want to keep experiencing that intensity, I will keep on trying, pushing, learning, until I can perfect it.
Until they know.
I've finally learned how to put all of me out there, and it's amazing.
I had to learn to accept my emotions as they were first. It will only get better from here.
You will feel it. All of this that is me.
I'm getting there.
And it happened...by accident. I didn't mean to get angry, I didn't mean to lose it like that. But all of the raw emotion I put into it, that was all me, that was me giving it what I had. That was me letting myself take over, without fear of losing, without fear of anything, just pure raw emotion and the desire to let it all go.
I had a terrible day, a terrible week. I've been angry all week, but I've found something I've been looking for, for a long time and it sparked something in me. That slump I've been in, it's now gone.
It's a thrill to let yourself go like that. Suddenly, NOTHING matters, nothing but you and the other person and you want them to feel you. All of it, the intensity, the anger, the desire. All of it.
It was amazing. I want to keep experiencing that intensity, I will keep on trying, pushing, learning, until I can perfect it.
Until they know.
I've finally learned how to put all of me out there, and it's amazing.
I had to learn to accept my emotions as they were first. It will only get better from here.
You will feel it. All of this that is me.
I'm getting there.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Let's make a quick vague update about my life. This is gonna be shit boring but I'm writing this more so as a reminder to myself than anything else. So suck my balls.
I'm attempting a health month. Which means effective now until last vegas (since it can't be helped) I will NOT eat out (with the exception of my tournament bento). I will attempt to eat more fruit and veggies than meat. I know HOLY SHIT to that one. I will attempt to put more fish and seafood than any other kind of meat in my diet. That one is actually realistically possible, i LOVE seafood. I will make an effort to go to kendo at least on tuesday, thursday and fridays. Maybe do something else. find a pool or something and go swimming, do something... something low impact but good for exercising, just not running. I guess I can concentrate on kendo then move into swimming.
Hoping someone in my life gets better. Go go quick recovery!
And there are other aspects of my life I'd like to but definitely won't elaborate on.
I'm attempting a health month. Which means effective now until last vegas (since it can't be helped) I will NOT eat out (with the exception of my tournament bento). I will attempt to eat more fruit and veggies than meat. I know HOLY SHIT to that one. I will attempt to put more fish and seafood than any other kind of meat in my diet. That one is actually realistically possible, i LOVE seafood. I will make an effort to go to kendo at least on tuesday, thursday and fridays. Maybe do something else. find a pool or something and go swimming, do something... something low impact but good for exercising, just not running. I guess I can concentrate on kendo then move into swimming.
Hoping someone in my life gets better. Go go quick recovery!
And there are other aspects of my life I'd like to but definitely won't elaborate on.
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