Procrastination FTL

In the midst of procrastinating for a 2pm midterm that I am only partially prepared for, I would like to continue my procrastination by blogging.

Yes, friends blogging. I don't know who reads this and who even cares to read the things I write. But for YOU yes, YOU my lovely reader. Perhaps the only reader, whoever you are, I am writing.

Lately, in the midst of my inability to go to the gym contributing to my ever growing lazy-couch-potato-ness. I decided to go to the gym. Man those endorphins! The things they do for ya! AMAZING! Despite having my ipod fail on me for 30 minute and the ability to go once every 3 days, along with missing kendo practices on Tuesdays for the past couple of weeks, I gotta say endorphins do things for you that you forget they do when you stop being uber consistent.

So I believe that I have become addicted to that wonderfully amazing thing that keeps me sometimes active called the gym. Or maybe I just enjoy endorphins too much. Who knows?

After two weeks of also being couped up in the apartment, I've been itching to go out. To go shopping, to go grocery shopping, to just go out and play in general. It's driving me insane that the only thing I've been able to do for a while is study, and my god is it painful. PLAYPLAYPLAYPPLAYPLAYPLAYPLAYPLAY!

Lastly, I suppose I'll change the tone a bit.

Also in the midst of everything around I suppose I have forgotten the philosphy that I fight in kendo with. It's one that I think is very true in life in general.

Generally when people start to fight matches, tournament matches especially they get a lot of performance anxiety. Because they've never experienced it, they're unsure and afraid of how they'll do. Instead of going for it, they hesitate a little before they do it, they hold back instead of going with instinct or hell, just going for it. But that's not how kendo is done, it's not something done passively. You've always just got to go for it because that chance may be the only chance you've got. You really just have to do things in THAT moment, and most of the time you're going to lose. But that's not what's important, because you get over it, there's always another chance. But sometimes, just sometimes you win. Maybe it was just your day, maybe your skills were better than everyone else's that day, maybe you just had the right instincts, whatever it was, that match was yours.

I feel like for the past couple of months I've been living life like that kenshi with performance anxiety, someone who's unsure and is completely afraid of that person she's gonna fight. That is not me. I know who I am, I know how I am. I've never been afraid of losing, because I know that if you never lose you can never win. You can never become better, stronger, and more determined if you never lose.

It's about time I stepped back into my own shoes.