Perhaps, in my drive to become more confident to be stronger, to be resilient, I lost something simple. The ability to let myself feel. I feel that now four years later, I've finally begun to let myself out into the world. To run around and bask in the sunlight with all it's danger and beauty. The sun surrounds me.

It might have been a complete accident. It's almost like that feeling you get when you decide to go to the beach to get some sun, but realized that the sunshine has quickly turned into a sunset. You want to rush home but are so awe-struck by it that you decide to stay and watch it instead. When the sun has gone home and the moon comes out to play, it's been too long that you've been out. But in the darkness, somehow watching the waves fall onto each other, the smell of the beach rushes over you. The salty sand, the ocean water, the quiet of everyone having gone home. It rushes over you, in a way so subtle that before you even realize it you feel completely relaxed. Nevermind, you've been here way too long, and you're a little cold because you weren't prepared for the change of weather and maybe you're a little hungry because you haven't eaten in a while. It just feels like this is where you should be right now. You don't completely understand, but it's just such a nice feeling you find it hard to walk away.

Eventually you know you're going to have to. You're going to have to eat sometime, you're going to need a warm blanket sooner or later and sooner or later you need to sleep.

But for now......it's just a nice place to be. So you ignore everything else and just let yourself relax.

Sometimes that's just what you need.