Finding it.

I've been feeling like something's missing for a while.
Something I've either lost, or can't seem to bring out of myself.
I finally figured it out. I finally have it,
exactly what it is that I'm trying to find.

That feeling, the feeling you have when you're not sure if you want to get out of bed, that dreading feeling that you have to wake up to life. But when you sleep you only dream of death. Not being murdered but everything that you ever cared about and loved, and created for yourself being completely annihilated. That everything around you has completely crumbled, the feeling that you've already died and that thread of life that you're hanging off of, the one that you have to bring yourself back to life from and it's right about to snap. Knowing this having to get up and walk, when you don't know if your legs will move you. The feeling that your eyes are open and you still can't see a damn thing. It's so easy to just let that string snap and let it go, let it die and completely let yourself fall into oblivion.

This is the feeling that you're battling, the struggle you wake up to everyday. You can't give an inch of yourself, you can't lose any ground because if you lose even a millimeter of this then it's all over. You have to grab it and never let it go. It's half determination, half desperation. But it's the only way that you're gonna get outta here alive.

And you're getting outta here alive.